Wish some sort of Miracle? Adjust Ones Conception.
Losing is painful. It doesn’t matter what – a job, a marketing, your wellbeing, a lover, a spouse – it’s painful. Sure, the pain is greater, the higher the loss, but if we lose something, we feel it deeply.
A buddy of mine, a trial lawyer by trade, recently lost a big case. He’s not in the habit of losing trials, for him this was a most unusual experience. But what intrigued me was his attitude about it: “I can easily see where I made some mistakes. I know it’s hindsight and all that, but I seriously misjudged how a jurors would look at certain facts. I can’t watch for my next trial – I possess some applying for grants what I possibly could did differently, and I want to observe how they’ll play out.”
His can be an optimist’s attitude. A miracle-making attitude. One that practically guarantees success. Oh, maybe don’t assume all time, but more frequently than not. It’s well established that optimists succeed beyond their actual aptitude and talents – all because of their attitude.
Many lawyers, in his position, could have expended their efforts laying blame somewhere: on opposing counsel for underhanded tricks, on the Judge if you are biased toward another side david hoffmeister mp3, on the jurors for “not setting it up,” on the trial team if you are inefficient, or on themselves. My friend, however, simply assessed his work, found out the thing that was missing, and was rarin’ to go on another trial – so he could once more, win.
All it took was a shift in perception, what Marianne Williamson* defines as “a miracle.” Or, to my means of thinking, a shift in perception (how you start to see the loss) lays the groundwork for a miracle, for something to take place which is a lot better than the thing that was expected. By moving off the blame-game, and choosing instead to master from the experience (the shift in perception), my friend put himself back on the success track.
Whenever you look at your loss, whatever it’s, as permanent and all-encompassing, then sure enough, you’ll feel devastated and struggling to release and move on. If, on the contrary, you look at your loss – be it the increasing loss of a job, a spouse, a client, your savings – as temporary, something to master from – then chances are excellent that you will have the ability to maneuver onto better yet things; to a “miracle.”
The only real change is in how you perceive the function, the loss. And that, unlike the loss itself, is wholly within your control. Buck against it though we might, we are able to always control what we think. No, it’s definitely not easy. I find it will take considerable effort to maneuver my thoughts off the comfort of wound-licking and self-pity to thoughts that may generate an improved future. But it’s doable.